I thought I could get away with it. I really did. I know it was an evil thing to do, but I couldn't resist. The moment when I first saw it, I knew I just had to have it. But how could I get it?
Nothing short of starting a war would wrench it away from it's rightful owner. That's when I began stalking the squirrels. It was a complicated plan, but I was sure it would work. I had no idea things would go so terribly wrong!
My confession will come right after I show you the awful depth of my crime. Before I give you my explanation of just what exactly I'm talking about, let me show you how truly ungrateful I've really been.
A few weeks ago The Retired One went on a vacation trip all the way to Florida. She happily shared her story with us all on her blog. Knowing that I liked dragons so much, she innocently told me that she brought a dragon she found there back to Michigan as a pet.
Little did she know that I was immediately jealous, and I plotted to steal her dragon from her. I didn't know how I was going to get it, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. That's when I began to devise my evil plan.
The only way I could get it from her would be to trick her into giving it to me. I announced that I was stalking the squirrels, knowing it would anger them. Then I declared war on them to escalate things to the breaking point. The ill tempered squirrels quickly struck back, taking over my blog, and trapping me in the comments section.
A few of the more skeptical readers sided with the squirrels, and a few other kind souls offered me their sympathy and help. The Retired One was one of the latter. As I was sure she would, she offered to send her new pet dragon to save me. I didn't need any help because they were only little squirrels. I did need that dragon though.
After I easily escaped, I waited for the dragon to show up. When it got there, I convinced it to stay with me by giving it all the squirrels it could eat. My evil plan was a great success. I stole her pet dragon! It was all mine! Little did any of us know what the dragon really wanted.
Even though Mr. Nutz was now happily distracted by his fine new acorn, there was still the matter of the Dark Jedi Squirrels to contend with. They didn't care about acorns. All they wanted was revenge. I had to stop them from chopping me to bits!
As they began to move towards me, I quickly told the dragon to protect me from them. They tried to fight, but the dragon swallowed them whole. It then turned its attention to the rest of the squirrels.
It was a massacre! The squirrels went running in every direction, with the dragon right behind them! It was scooping up squirrels left and right in its powerful jaws! Only a few of them got away. I've now heard reports that some of them ran all the way to the other side of the world!
As the vicious dragon came back, looking completely satisfied with itself, it glanced up into the tree where Mr. Nutz was still sitting, happily munching on his acorn. The dragon then lunged towards Mr. Nutz! I didn't see what happened, but when the dragon dropped back to the ground, all I found of poor Mr. Nutz was his combat helmet.
After devouring most of the squirrels, including the poor dupe, Mr. Nutz, the dragon told me it was very thirsty. I was happy to oblige because I didn't like the way he was looking at me, so I told it about the frozen lake. Little did I know that the dragon had a plan of it's own.
When we got to the lake, the dragon used it's fire breath to melt the whole sheet of ice covering it, in the process freeing all of the other evil dragons that had been trapped under the ice. I watched horrified as hundreds of them flew into the air. What have I done?
They won't stop with only squirrels. We're all in danger! They're free, and it's all my fault! That's my story. That's my awful confession.
Oh, I almost forgot. I have a message for The Retired One. Uh, since I lost your dragon, here's the pink combat helmet you wanted. I had to paint it that color. I don't think it belongs to anyone anymore, so you can have it.