Friday, March 27, 2009

The Florida Dragon

Before anyone reads my post for today, I'd like to give a little warning. This one is kind of shocking and maybe a little horrifying. If you're unprepared for that sort of thing, you may want to stop reading now. It's still PG rated, but you may not like what you read. I may get chased all the way off the internet for this one. Remember that it's only a story, and the word fiction means it's not real. So, with all that said, READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL!

Fiction Friday

I thought I could get away with it. I really did. I know it was an evil thing to do, but I couldn't resist. The moment when I first saw it, I knew I just had to have it. But how could I get it?

Nothing short of starting a war would wrench it away from it's rightful owner. That's when I began stalking the squirrels. It was a complicated plan, but I was sure it would work. I had no idea things would go so terribly wrong!

My confession will come right after I show you the awful depth of my crime. Before I give you my explanation of just what exactly I'm talking about, let me show you how truly ungrateful I've really been.

A few weeks ago The Retired One went on a vacation trip all the way to Florida. She happily shared her story with us all on her blog. Knowing that I liked dragons so much, she innocently told me that she brought a dragon she found there back to Michigan as a pet.

Little did she know that I was immediately jealous, and I plotted to steal her dragon from her. I didn't know how I was going to get it, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. That's when I began to devise my evil plan.

The only way I could get it from her would be to trick her into giving it to me. I announced that I was stalking the squirrels, knowing it would anger them. Then I declared war on them to escalate things to the breaking point. The ill tempered squirrels quickly struck back, taking over my blog, and trapping me in the comments section.

A few of the more skeptical readers sided with the squirrels, and a few other kind souls offered me their sympathy and help. The Retired One was one of the latter. As I was sure she would, she offered to send her new pet dragon to save me. I didn't need any help because they were only little squirrels. I did need that dragon though.

After I easily escaped, I waited for the dragon to show up. When it got there, I convinced it to stay with me by giving it all the squirrels it could eat. My evil plan was a great success. I stole her pet dragon! It was all mine! Little did any of us know what the dragon really wanted.

Dark Jedi SquirrelsEven though Mr. Nutz was now happily distracted by his fine new acorn, there was still the matter of the Dark Jedi Squirrels to contend with. They didn't care about acorns. All they wanted was revenge. I had to stop them from chopping me to bits!

As they began to move towards me, I quickly told the dragon to protect me from them. They tried to fight, but the dragon swallowed them whole. It then turned its attention to the rest of the squirrels.

It was a massacre! The squirrels went running in every direction, with the dragon right behind them! It was scooping up squirrels left and right in its powerful jaws! Only a few of them got away. I've now heard reports that some of them ran all the way to the other side of the world!

As the vicious dragon came back, looking completely satisfied with itself, it glanced up into the tree where Mr. Nutz was still sitting, happily munching on his acorn. The dragon then lunged towards Mr. Nutz! I didn't see what happened, but when the dragon dropped back to the ground, all I found of poor Mr. Nutz was his combat helmet.

After devouring most of the squirrels, including the poor dupe, Mr. Nutz, the dragon told me it was very thirsty. I was happy to oblige because I didn't like the way he was looking at me, so I told it about the frozen lake. Little did I know that the dragon had a plan of it's own.

When we got to the lake, the dragon used it's fire breath to melt the whole sheet of ice covering it, in the process freeing all of the other evil dragons that had been trapped under the ice. I watched horrified as hundreds of them flew into the air. What have I done?

They won't stop with only squirrels. We're all in danger! They're free, and it's all my fault! That's my story. That's my awful confession.

Pink Combat HelmetOh, I almost forgot. I have a message for The Retired One. Uh, since I lost your dragon, here's the pink combat helmet you wanted. I had to paint it that color. I don't think it belongs to anyone anymore, so you can have it.

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  1. Ratty that was not very nice! Your selfishness unleashed the power of terror. You just placed us all in grave danger.

    Inspite of all the bad things you've done. You still deserve the Uber Amazing Award! for telling a great story!

  2. Oh, what a great story. I enjoyed every minute of your tale. And, I have to have that pink helmet!

  3. You've proved bringing an alien species to a new habitat can be destructive to the native species and alter the balance of nature. With the decline of the Dark Jedi Squirrels there's already one too many nuts in the neighborhood :)

  4. Great one!!! Your Dark Jedi Squirrels have killed me not with their weapons but with my laughter. An intelligent war.

  5. I think I am going to walk around all day and laugh, your fighting squirrels on the photo, are something else. Funny story, you know the minute you said the story was horrifying and it is not for all readers, I had to read, lol. Thanks for sharing, and btw thanks for visiting my blog. Anna :)

  6. Oh Ratty! You had me at the words Florida Dragon!!!!

    You did me proud.

    But,since now I know that I have been tricked into sending you my Florida dragon, I will have to think of an evil plot of my own to get revenge....

    Nice try to wiggle out of your deception by offering the pink helmet (which is adorable, by the way!)
    But, that the TRUTH is out, I will see what Yooper creatures I can muster up to go and rescue my dragon back...
    Besides, our lake is still frozen. Maybe there are monsters under there that may come forth...
    We will see....
    I would look over my shoulder as you go adventuring, my friend...that rustling sound may be more than you think...

  7. Ron - I know! My greed overcame me, and i doomed us all! :(

    Hey, thanks for the award, Ron! Now I don't feel so bad anymore. :)
    I must warn you that I cheat with awards though.

    Mountain Woman - You'll have to fight with The Retired One over that helmet. Please, go ahead and try take it from her. Then maybe it will distract her so she'll forget about getting revenge on me.

    WiseAcre - Yeah. Pretty soon nuts and jerky pod people will be overrunning the whole area. Maybe I could bring in something that eats them...

    Rainfield - I hear that some of the squirrels that escaped ran all the way to Malaysia. How are they doing?

    Anna - When somebody asks you why you are laughing, explain to them that it's because a dragon ate all the squirrels. :)

    The Retired One - I'm glad you like it! I went through several false starts before I came up with this story.

    What? A pink combat helmet is worth every bit as much as a dragon! The paint alone cost me a little over five dollars! Besides, that dragon turned out to be evil. He tricked you, just as he tricked me. Everybody knows that western dragons are evil. It's the eastern dragons that are good. You have to check the tail to see the difference. So, in a way, this is all your fault! Kindly pay me twenty dollars for the helmet, and I'll forget the whole thing.

  8. OH... the dragons loose in Michigan... and Retired One, I saw a terrible monster, a Windigo stalking through the Yooper woods. It stalked me at night, but I was sneaky and got a picture of it. Ratty, maybe I better find it and we can hope that it will pull those dragons out of the sky. We wouldn't want one to land on the Big Mac and damage it.

  9. Sharkbytes - Would a windigo fight a dragon? I hope it can catch them. Be careful when you're looking for it. I hear they like to eat people.

  10. What IS IT with squirrels??? Every time I call the cable company about poor reception, they say a squirrel must have chewed through a line (seriously!)...honestly, is there any other creature (besides Bernie Madoff) that annoys us more with their unabashed cunning???

  11. Diane - That actually happened to me too! The cable guy showed me the chewed up cable line right outside of my house, and told me that squirrels seemed to like the taste of the casing.

  12. Oh I love the Jedi Squirrels, now you make me dream about squirrels :(

    wow, you were able to connect everything, am just amazed right now with your power is fiction writing, even though, i really feel for the squirrel.

    i really so love the squirrel pictures.

  13. Betchai - Don't worry. Squirrels are sneaky, and they have ways of getting out of anything, maybe even the belly of a dragon.

  14. Ratty: Pfft. $5.00 for the paint for the helmet? After I sent up a DRAGON???? (A dragon is priceless.)

    Second, last I knew, Florida IS in the EAST, not the west! (or is it different in Wonderland?)

    Third: YOU pick up the tail and look. I 'm not that kinda gal...

    Fourth: Nice try. Keep looking over your shoulder and listen for rustling noises when you are out there.
    Sharkbytes and Ratty:
    Shit, now I gotta go look up what the heck a Windigo is...
    What kind of YOOPER am I, not to know this???
    Should I be wearing MY pink helmet to protect myself? (Yes Ratty and Mountain Woman, I DID say MY pink helmet...

  15. The Retired One - First: It's not just $5. It's $5 plus labor and a genuine Mr. Nutz combat helmet. I hear they are in high demand. And if you can catch it, you can have your old dragon back then. :(

    Second: Florida is in the Western Hemisphere. This is the kind of dragon that eats princesses.

    Third: Youch! I didn't say to pick up the tail. I just said to check it.

    Fourth: That's not fair! I don't even have a combat helmet to protect me!

    A Windigo is a dangerous cannibalistic human that turns into a flesh eating monster. It's a fascinating legendary creature. I don't think a helmet is enough to save anyone from it.

    And I think you should take up the ownership argument with Mountain Woman, and forget about your revenge on me. Then everybody will be happy. :)