Thursday, July 28, 2016

A Tall Tale Or Just A Whopping Lie?

I just have to come right out and say it. I lied. I'm a terrible liar. I lied in my last post. I never went on a pokemon hunt at all. In fact, I've never played the game. I've never even seen it. I have a wonderful phone, but my operating system just isn't one of the popular ones that can get this game. So I lied to make myself look cool.

I have another confession that you just won't believe. Wait for it. It's a shocker. I never even broke my leg. See, I knew you'd think it was unbelievable. Now that I've confessed you'll never believe again that a broken leg can heal after two weeks. What will the world do with that information?

So how can you ever trust my word again? Well, the simple answer is that you can't. I lie all the time. I can't say that I don't enjoy it, because I do. But I also tell the honest truth much of the time. So you can never know which is which, what's a lie and what's the truth. Does that make me like a devil? Or just a guy who enjoys wearing a rat suit far too much?

I've said before that my love of this rat suit has long passed. I would have taken it off long ago, but the zipper seems to be stuck and every time I try to ask someone to help me get it they run away screaming for some reason.

I never really thought that wandering around through the forest in a rat suit would be seen as strange, or even demented. But after some of the reactions I get, maybe I miscalculated just a bit. I still get some good pictures sometimes though, don't you think?

(I'll still swear today that a talking squirrel named Flynn took the picture above.)

If you see this guy coming at you in the forest, run for your life. The last thing you'll hear is a high pitched little voice saying, "Hold still, I'm gonna make you famous."

But this is where I have beaten him. I moved far away. Far away from crazy little adventurer squirrels armed with their own cameras. In fact, I haven't seen a squirrel in months. But now because of my cowardice even the birds are ashamed to look at the guy in the Ratty old rat suit. So I have to catch them off guard to get any good pictures.

I'll say this. Even though I saw so many squirrels in the past that they began speaking to me, none of these robins have uttered a word. So far anyway. Their mocking body language is enough for them I guess. They think they're smarter than me, but I have the last laugh. It's them you see in the pictures, not me. Except for that one picture up there I guess.

So after all of that, even though it was all the truth, and I confessed to being one of the biggest liars of all time, do you believe my story? I swear it's all true. It all happened. Except that pokemon hunt of course. Oh, and that broken leg. And maybe a few other details. But it's the truth. Really it is. And I have the pictures to prove it.

Maybe in my next post, if I'm on the right medication, I'll get back to my normal serious posts. But maybe this is normal. If you check out a few of my old posts you'll see that maybe I was always like this. Don't be afraid. I'll talk to you later.

Monday, July 25, 2016

A Monster Of A Tale

It's been a little while since my last post. So, what happened? Well, I went on a little pokemon hunt and ran into a few little problems. First I wasn't paying attention to where I was going and walked off the side of a cliff. Broke my leg on that one. Then I accidentally walked into a raging river and got washed two states away. After some walking I accidentally crossed into Canada and got arrested by the border patrol. Finally, after straightening that out, on my way back here I was driving down the street playing this stupid game and I drove right into the back of a police car. All of this cost me half my fortune and took me two weeks to finally get back home.

So now I'm finally back. My broken leg heeled fast and I'm raring to go. Now I'd just like to forget about that moronic little adventure. Geocaching is much more fun than that game anyway.

But remembering what I was saying at the end of my last post. How could I top walking with bison? maybe an elephant? No. How about swimming with a whale? Unfortunately swimming just isn't for me. I had to think of something incredible. So I decided to look for an animal that hasn't been around for millions of years. This Stegosaurus is just the perfect thing.

Let me tell you, this giant dinosaur was much more dangerous than a few bison. I got just as close to this beast, but I really had to stealthily sneak up on it. I couldn't believe my luck when I saw it just standing there in this grass. Who wouldn't want the first genuine pictures of a real dinosaur in millions of years?

I parked my truck far enough away that this monster wouldn't notice. Then I crept up on him, but I did it fast, and I was able to get close enough to reach out and touch him. I have to say that these creatures must be kind of blind because he never really seemed to realize at all that I was there. He didn't react to me at all. He never moved a muscle.

I thought about trying to ride him, but the thought of those plates sticking into my backside wasn't very appealing. So needless to say I decided to just take my pictures then leave this poor lonely creature in peace.

Later I met some guy not too far away that told me this stupid lie that this wasn't a real dinosaur at all, it was only a statue. I told him I knew he was lying just to keep it to himself, but he stuck to his story no matter how much I objected. What a jerk!

So that's my story. I think my next post will come a little sooner than this one took. I'm not sure if I can top getting pictures of a dinosaur, but we'll have to see just what happens. Hey, anything can happen here. I'll talk to you later.