Friday, February 6, 2009

Jerkweed Pod People

Fiction Friday

Most people think these pod plants are just everyday, ordinary, common milkweed, but that's not what they are at all. I know what they really are. These plants are something called Jerkweed. If you don't believe me, just keep reading. I know part of the story, but the rest is only known by them.

These plants don't originate on the planet earth. They came here a long time ago, from a galaxy far far away. They traveled through space looking for just the right planet to infest. They needed the right creatures to feed off of. They finally settled on a small blue planet known as Earth.

I know! I was shocked too when I first found out. These plants settled here, but no one knew what they were. Everyone thought they looked kind of strange. But being curious creatures, we humans were very interested in them. We thought they were kind of fascinating. Little did we know of the sinister plot of these alien beings that would soon hatch out of these pods.

These aliens planned on transforming into the shape of the dull creatures that inhabited this planet. They didn't take long to decide to appear to be human. Humans seemed to be very gullible creatures, so the aliens thought it would be very easy to take over.

From each of these jerkweed pods, a little three inch tall jerk is going to hatch. So with each pod comes an evil little jerk. Their plan is to be so annoying that the humans will surrender one by one. If the little jerks survive long enough, they will grow to actual human size and become big jerks.

You still doubt me? I know you've seen them! Have you ever been happily driving along in you car, and then look in the mirror and see another car that's driving behind you way too close? That is an evil jerk! They are also the ones driving behind you and honking their horns constantly. As a matter of fact, it's the evil jerks that invented the car horn.

If you've ever been to a movie theater and some obnoxious person was talking loudly over the movie, you know who it was. No, not you! It was one of the evil jerks! They laugh too loud and in the wrong places, and make a general nuisance of themselves. They are the ones that insist on throwing popcorn! Evil, evil, evil!

There is other generally jerkish behavior that you see them do every day. This behavior can be just about anything annoying. It's too numerous to list everything here. If they can intimidate you just a little bit, it nourishes them. If they can annoy you, they consider it a tasty treat. If they make you angry, they think they have won!

These jerks are everywhere. Did you ever wonder why you had one very mean teacher in school? What about the boss that is always giving you a hard time? We even recently had a US President that was one of them. I won't say which one. You can figure it out pretty easily.

I know that all of you have seen these jerks out there. What kind of jerkish things have they done around you? What was your reaction to them? Don't always try to confront them directly. They even have the government on their side. We just might be doomed.

Are you convinced now? You've all seen them. If you can still deny that the evil jerkweed pod people exist, are you one of them? I'm taking a great risk revealing their evil plot. I face the potential wrath of millions of jerks.

I bet you now realize why we call people that do irritating things jerks. It's all because of these jerkweed plants from outer space, and the pod people that come out of them. Pod Person is of course the politically correct term. If you call them jerks or jerkweeds, you face a potential lawsuit.

That's my story. If I still have another post tomorrow, then that means I was able to withstand the relentless onslaught of the evil jerks. If you never see another update here, then I was just another casualty in the war with the jerks.

I'll talk to you tomorrow. I hope.

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  1. Then I know, the evil jerks not only exist at your place, they also appear here at where I live. They involve in corruption, they .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. .. ... .. they do anything that is out of our imagination.

  2. It's been a long time since I was 3 inches tall :)

  3. Shit, I think I dated one once (maybe even twice!)
    Thank GOD I didn't marry one!!! (Then there would be little baby half-jerkweeds, and that wouldn't be fair to them!)
    You just keep cracking me up with that imagination of yours, Ratty!!

  4. So the Monarch Butterflies really have saved the planet! (They eat the jerkweed)

  5. thanks for posting about the evil jerks, it brought a lot of laughter even though jerks are not funny at all, i hope you will be able to withstand the onsalught of these jerks and come out victorious and talking to us tomorrow.

  6. Rainfield - They're everywhere. For some strange reason, jerks like the job of being a politician. Corruption seems to be their specialty.:)

    WiseAcre - You're just pretending to be one of them, unless they got to you too. Maybe I'll have to call my cousin Danger Mouse.

    The Retired One - Sounds like you had a few close calls. Be careful, jerks seem to really like you! And you can't tell if those half jerkweeds are coming or going. They're all mixed up.

    Sharkbytes - Yup, the Monarchs are our saviors. They're even kind enough to eat the jerkweed venom, and it helps protect their own babies. We also need to give credit to the little red jerkweed bugs. Without those two, we would already be lost.

    Betchai - It's been a hard fight. They've been after me all day. I saw at least three of them at work. I was attacked once by a boss jerk. That was a narrow escape.:)